Self doubt

I like to put on the facade of this strong, powerful and determined person who has everything going for her and has nothing to lose.  Its fun.  It's liberating.  Having people accept that they can't fuck with you before they even try is the best thing on Earth! 

And for the most part, this is true. 

But, sometimes reality, life and disappointment get in the way.  Then what the hell am I to do?  Let me explain:  It's all dandy to rate that you're invinceable and to even play the part.  That is, until you get conquored...  Then it just feels like it was all a lie.  A waste of time. 

But was it really?

Although I do feel dragged down by the everyday and unpredictable occurances in life, I must realise that I am and will always be who I want to be - Who I let myself be.  And if a few thorns are stuck into my side, it is my choice whether to leave them there to fester, while I limp around wounded for life or to pull them out - knowing that that might hurt even more - and continue to live my life; healed and stronger than I used to be.

It is natural to think of one's own limitations.  But if you never try, then you are your only limitation.  And if you can live with that, I guess you deserve to be limited by yourself.  Self doubt is normal.  It is the barrier between over-confidence and reality.  But it should always be in perspective and always be a reflection of the truth.

I feel silly admitting to this, but, I stopped blogging a while ago because of belittlement on the part of someone who either wished to break me or was honestly amused by the insignificant action of me blogging.  In the case of the former, it did work for a while.  She managed to break my drive and ambition.  But the persistence of soul will endure.  In the case of the latter, allegedly small things amuse small minds - but then again, I'm not one to judge.  She could've mocked my blogs for any number of reasons - malicious or not.  And due to the fact that I do not know, I bear no ill-feelings towards her.  After all, that would be like allowing the thorn in my side to heal over with an infected cyst within. 

All I am saying is that, believe who you want to be.  There will be many people who will try to dissuade you from your own greatness.  You know yourself better than they do.  If you doubt your capabilities, doubt them on true (de)merit, not on the fallacies created by those around you. 

Basically, if you do have self doubt, may it always come truly from self.  Noone is worth you feeling shitty over.

That's all.